In loving memory of Frieda Silverman

This is Frieda’s Story, as written by her daughter Cheryl Silverman (her caregiver)

Cheryl Silverman, Founder, Supportive Care Exchange

I am a professional teacher, advocate, writer, administrator, and project manager, whose parents, Frieda and Sidney, both passed away from terminal cancer at the age of 83. My parents were caring and wonderful people, who lived their lives simply – giving of themselves to helping others. We were raised with the belief that family was important – that we should always be there for each other. We all know that our lives will inevitably come to an end, sooner or later, but we don’t want to think about it until we are forced to contend with it. Every so often my mom would remind me that, “I won’t be around forever.” Knowingly, I didn’t want to think about it. Death was not something I could accept or easily face. If we are lucky enough to be in loving relationships and maintain strong ties with our parents – then it becomes all the more difficult.

Ideally, we all hope that when the time comes for our lives to end, it will be peaceful, in comfortable surroundings among our loved ones. Unfortunately life deals us all with different fates-some of us are not so lucky. Our father, Sidney, sadly passed away in 2010 from prostate cancer, which spread to the liver and bone. Prostate cancer is known to be a slow progressive moving cancer, but my dad was not so fortunate. His cancer spread to the liver and bone. His death came rapidly.

A year later our mother discovered, just by chance, that she had stage 4 lung cancer.  When she had her annual colonscopy (her mother died from colon cancer) the film showed a black area on the bottom of her right lung, which prompted testing.

I’ll never forget that Sunday afternoon, when her doctor phoned to let her know they found a suspicious mass.  My sister and I luckily were with our mom at the time. We were shocked and scared to hear this news.  Fear permeated our thoughts – we hesitated to talk about it.  We were numb.   We tried to be hopeful.   How could this possibly happen, especially so soon after losing our dad?   Our mom, Frieda, exhibited no symptoms.  She appeared fine and healthy, going through her normal routines as always – she was adjusting to her life as a widow–living her life as best as possible.  This news seemed incomprehensible to us.  From that point on, everything changed.  Time passed so quickly.  She died about seven months later from her diagnosis.

My sister, Sandy, and I became her support – her caregivers.   After what we all experienced from the previous year with my father’s cancer affliction, suffering and demise, we knew that we didn’t want her to be alone at any time.  We wanted to be there for her.  We lovingly and willingly devoted our time to caring for our mom.   It proved to be one of the most difficult times of our lives, but perhaps it was the most rewarding and fulfilling as well.  We learned so much – even about ourselves—our inner strength, our endurance to cope with a very difficult time.

Her suffering was so hard for us; it was not knowing how to prepare and help, and what to expect during the last stages of her life, where we felt lost.  It is our journey as caregivers which we are sharing with the public-at-large on this blog/website “Supportive Care Exchange.”

This blog is not just about telling our personal story.  We are sharing our experiences –the problems and concerns we have encountered along the way—in treating elderly cancer patients. We want to help others learn from our experiences in dealing with elderly parents diagnosed with cancer or in similar situations. Also, as we age so does our risk to getting cancer.  Since half of all cancers occur in people aged 65 years and older, cancer will likely grow to epidemic proportions among the baby boomer population.

We can see that there is a tremendous need to make changes in supportive care for cancer patients, particularly the elderly.   We encourage others to share their experiences –the patients, families, medical professionals, home care aides, social workers, etc.—with the hope that recommendations can be made for the better.  We also want to share the research and resources we discovered along the way – which we hope you find enlightening.  Let us all work together so that patients with cancer or other terminal illnesses will be able to live the remainder of their lives in relative comfort and maintain a quality of life and dignity.  We need to focus on the humane side of treating illness, which is apparently lacking in so many places.   Let us all learn from each other.

Cheryl Silverman, Founder of the Supportive Care Exchange

Dedication

In memory of our loving parents, Frieda and Sidney Silverman, who will never be forgotten.   They will remain in our hearts forever.  May their memory be but a blessing.

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This site is also dedicated to other dear family and friends who also met with untimely deaths from cancer, as well as the thousands of countless others from all over the world.  May their memories be but a blessing!

May we hope to be able to eradicate this deadly disease in the years to come!

READ MORE ABOUT ”FRIEDA’S STORY” - SEE THE SUBHEADINGS (CLICKS) ALONG THE SIDEBAR ON THIS PAGE.  (Please note that some of these pages are still in development).