Unfortunately it takes a loved one or family member to become severely ill for one to become involved and know all about matters related to the illness.  It takes a personal tragedy for people to take notice.  Sometimes the diagnosis of the illness may be at such an advanced stage that to undergo any treatment may be too late!   We seek a glimmer of hope. We all feel powerless; we all want to do something!

When my mother became sick, I became obsessed with learning as much as I could about lung cancer.  I wanted to know how to help my mom. I wanted to understand what was happening.  I didn’t want her to suffer.  If there was no hope for a cure,  I wanted her, at least, to have a quality of life at the end.

We all need support.  Sometimes I found it hard to talk about it with others – to relive the suffering and sorrow my mother was going through.  Everyone says they want to help and be there for you.  My sister, Sandy, had a difficult time talking to me about what was happening.  It was devastating to see our mom go through this, but we knew we had to be strong and keep a smile on our faces for her.

Still trying to understand….

Of course there were some family members or friends who weren’t able to help and be there.  This is another thing I am struggling to understand.  Perhaps they were in denial and afraid to come to terms with the illness.  Maybe they were scared to be in the hospital, but no one wants to be in these situations – however you do what you must if you love and care for someone.

My aunt, my mom’s sister, was that way.  She saw my mother and saw her mortality.  I thought that was foolish – but she is also a cancer survivor.  She has been in remission for over 30 years – from having ovarian cancer.  She couldn’t be there for my mom.  She had a home not too far away; she could have been more available and supportive, but she chose to live in Florida with her boyfriend most of the time.  Since she was a cancer survivor I  expected differently. Was I wrong to think this way?

My other sister, my fraternal twin, would visit my mom – but somehow she too wasn’t around much, and I felt that she, too was afraid.  She is a breast cancer survivor.  She caught it early, and thankfully didn’t require chemotherapy.  When she came to the hospital,  she was afraid to use the toilet in my mom’s room.  What was that about?  Did she think it was catching?  My sister is highly intelligent to know this isn’t possible – I guess when our emotions take over nothing makes sense.  Maybe it is just about being a cancer survivor; there is a fear facing them that other people can’t understand.   Maybe they are limited emotionally?

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My mom was very frightened.  She had a right to be terrified.  She depended on all of us to be strong, comforting, supportive; to be there for her in her time of need.  Unfortunately it didn’t happen from all of us.

The Need to Know

I read and researched  information about lung cancer – to know as much as I could – since the doctors were not always forthcoming in informing us about what to expect  at different times.  I needed to know about the illness, symptoms, medicine, and how to help her.  I think I was looking for some miraculous cure!   I searched for some semblance of hope.  I asked the doctors questions and phoned whenever I had any doubts or concerns.  I think they saw me as a noodnik (a pest).  Didn’t I have that right?  My mother was seriously ill.   There were times when the oncologist she saw didn’t phone back; he avoided me.  Was that right?  I didn’t know what to expect.  For others facing similar situations – don’t ever be afraid to ask questions!

Within a two year period of time I lost my parents – from 2010 to 2012.  Soon it will be a year since my mom passed away in February 2012.  Long after both my parents have passed away – I still do research, I am still seeking answers.   I want to help others.  I don’t want other people to go through what we went through.

I hope I can also help you find the answers you seek.  When I come across articles and reports of significance I will post them on this blog to share with you.  Check out the “Relevant Articles” and “Hello World” – our blog.   We encourage others – home care aides, nurses, oncologists, patients and their families – to share relevant and important news with us.  Use the “Forums” to share your experiences.